the Taelor Gray Series: Weak Moments

                                                       "That's a brave face with a weak motive
Man, I wish you saw all my 
                                    weak moments
          I told myself that these just weak emotions
Most the time I just Tweet emojis."
                                                                       - Comfortable

What do our weak moments say about us? How many of us want to reach out to others during those moments, but never do? Is it because society says that something is wrong with us if we admit vulnerability? Is God ashamed of us in those times?

The answer to that last question is 'No'. Why would God be ashamed...why should we be ashamed? Hiding behind that shame is saying that by being human we have done something wrong. Remember God makes no mistakes. If that is true then there is no way that we are faulty in the human condition. 

Do not take that as me saying that we are able to anything we desire without consequence. What it means is that He understands that we are going to have our issues. It is why He looks at the heart. He knows that times of weakness does not mean we are not striving for better things. 

He says to come to Him and let Him be our strength. The strength in our weakness. 

If the Creator wants us to draw close to Him all the time, especially when we are in a spot where we feel like we can't move, then why shouldn't we be able to share those times with our brothers and sisters as well? Why should we be able to consider ourselves any better than anyone else?

We can't be seen as imperfect, is that it? As Gray says it's a "brave face with a weak motive."

We pretend and pull the wool up because we can't allow the truth to breathe. We do it not only for ourselves, but for others as well. Remember in one of my earlier writings when I said that this community has made me scared because I knew that there would come a time when I would have to be transparent? I fear that the time has quickly found me.

"I told myself that these just weak emotions."

There is nothing about human emotions that are weak. Some of them may not always make sense to us, but they each fulfill a purpose. If we are a community that is meant to build each other and help each other grow in this difficult life then we must be able to step out from behind our brave faces and share with others these weak moments.

I struggle getting angry. I struggle with the fact that I continue to struggle with that anger. (This is me attempting to discard weak motives) It is frustrating feeling like no matter how I try to approach it, this weakness will find a way to get the best of me. It is frustrating feeling like no one is going to understand...

...It is frustrating knowing that the One who matters most fully understands.

My children may not get it no matter how much I want them too. My wife may not want to deal with it. My family may think it best to just ignore it. My friends may only get glimpses. I see it clearly.

I try to work on my weakness. Sometimes though maybe "I just Tweet emojis." I do not have the answer.

The best I can do is be honest and hope. Hope that by sharing the part of me that I am most ashamed of someone will understand. Someone will see that it is not who I want to be. Maybe someone will feel safe to open up to me as well. 

"Man, I wish you saw all my weak moments." - I guess the first step is sharing them...

#LvLUp

When Taelor isn't honing his craft, he is spending time with his loving wife of 6 years and their son Levi. While rap is at the forefront of his life, Taelor still has time in his life for other interests such as, fashion, live jazz, Broadway musicals and theater performances, soul music, college football, NFL, and NBA basketball. Currently Taelor serves as one of the pastors at Veritas Community Church, ministering to a diverse community in Columbus Ohio.

the Taelor Gray Series: Hillsong x Coldplay

"Like it's listening to Hillsong,
    like listening to Coldplay."
                                          - Solomon's Porch

I love music. I listen to a wide variety of it and I believe that it has a special place in the world. It can build up and it can tear down. It can inspire and it can lead people astray. 

I am not going to tell you what Mr. Gray meant by this line, but it is one that has stood out to me. I have pondered it for a while now. After a lot of thought this is what I take from it. Maybe someday I'll be able to know the meaning it has for it's author, if not that is fine.

The worship music genre has taken on a whole new role in the past decade. When we declare that we are worshiping a God that is solely worthy of such praise is that what we are always doing? To me there are so many examples of bands such as Hillsong, Crowder, and Chris Tomlin who Christians have placed in this realm of fame.

Let me make this clear, I am not attacking these artists. The question that I am working up to is a personal check, a challenge for whoever reads this. As long as these artists are following the will of God in their lives then that is all they need to do. The Church needs brought into a place of worship. So hopefully they are growing their relationship with Christ and listening to what He is telling them.

However, the worship genre has become a trend. It's the cool thing among the Body. Turning on the newest Hillsong record is no different than turning up some Coldplay. We are missing the point. It has become entertainment. There are times where we are too be entertained, but there are much more important times where this medium needs to fulfill it's purpose.

We need to sing the words and look to commune with our creator. We should be seeking His presence. It should not be about background music.

Maybe music is not has big of an aspect of your life. That's fine. We live in a world though where melody is all around us. It is not something we escape. I don't think that is random, but rather by design. A design by a creative God who loves each of us.

My challenge to you and myself: What are we trying to get out of the music that we interact with? Are we using it to praise our maker, or just looking to be entertained?

Think about that and let me know your conclusions. Is it all the same or is there deeper meaning, higher purpose?

I also challenge you to find that God is in all types of music. Taelor Gray for example creates God inspired hip hop. Rap often gets overlooked by the Church. This is not me trying to convert you to a style of music. I just want to point out that these artists share their relationship with Jesus just as much as David Crowder. They need the support of fellow believers. 

It is all ministry. It is all worship. Maybe it doesn't look the same, but done in a spirit of truth it is all pleasing to our Father. So go out this week and worship. Experience that special connection that is only found in these moments. 

#LvLUp

When Taelor isn't honing his craft, he is spending time with his loving wife of 6 years and their son Levi. While rap is at the forefront of his life, Taelor still has time in his life for other interests such as, fashion, live jazz, Broadway musicals and theater performances, soul music, college football, NFL, and NBA basketball. Currently Taelor serves as one of the pastors at Veritas Community Church, ministering to a diverse community in Columbus Ohio.

the Taelor Gray Series: Jesus in These Weak Limbs

                "I just want to hear well done...
                                                                      ...I just want to hear well done.
But it's Jesus that He's pleased in...
                                                          ...and it's Jesus in
                these weak limbs."
                                                                                                      - Solomon's Porch

I don't know about you. Hopefully you are feeling better than I am. As I listened to these words by Taelor Gray, a CHH artist out of Ohio, I was hit with just how weak I feel. This month has been a crazy roller coaster.

The month started with my younger brother showing up at the hospital with chest pains. After being sent home with pain killers, followed by a trip to a different hospital, he eventually had around 15 hours of open heart surgery. An abnormal heart valve plus a massive aortic dissection can lead to those types of things.

So there has been unplanned for 40 minute drives to and from a hospital that strained the budget. This is not a complaint or anything. Obviously I want to be there for my brother as much as I can. When your family is on a tight budget however, moving funds around can be tricky when it's unexpected.

I was also given the opportunity to become the co-editor of a website this month. I had been contributing for the site prior to this. It is a great opportunity as I am discovering the passion I have for writing. The only downside is that it is nearly a second full-time job. I'm thankful for the chance to make some extra money that our family can use, but that is not all.

Like I hinted at writing is not my occupation. I have a full time job as a retail store manager. I am also finishing my bachelor's degree this coming May. In order to do so I have a class this summer. So naturally I have a 10 page minimum paper due this week.

Then we come here. As those of you who have started this journey with us know, we launched this site and its social media accounts a week ago. It has been amazing. This is the next step of what started about a year ago as a simple devotional reading with a group of friends. Now in a week we have connected with people in seven different countries.

My limbs and most of the rest of me feel weak.

I have been conflicted the last day or two. I am so very excited to see all of these things coming together.  I know it is special and the road I need to travel. Yet I have found myself feeling a little on the depressed side. I am glad to have a clear view of my passion. I just feel stretched thin.

It's as if I am sleepwalking a lot now. You know how they say "burning the candle at both ends"? Well it's more like burning both ends and whatever other part of the candle will hold a flame. I'm drained, I'm excited, and it all is heavy.

Jesus said that when our burden is heavy His yoke is light. That He is okay to take which weighs us down and put it on Himself. He will be our strength in these weak limbs.

Mr. Gray hits on another important thing in this lyric. We take on and go after all these different things. We look for purpose. We want to hear well down. To the Father though none of this matters. I'm not saying He is not proud of it, but that He was proud regardless. You see...

...it's Jesus that He's pleased in.

No matter what we do. No matter how much others say good things about us. None of it changes a thing. When we let Jesus be our strength it is Him and His sacrifice that the Father sees. He is looking at His perfect Son and finds pleasure even in the shell of a broken people.

Just think about that. These feelings of depression, of inadequacy that none of us can avoid. The highs that bring us to the mountaintop and fill us with euphoria. All of it is a part of life. I am trying to find peace in that. I am trying my best to understand that no matter what the circumstance Jesus will help me to keep moving forward.

Whether it is family emergencies and tests of faith, or it is blessings and realization of dreams it really is all the same. Because Jesus remains constant through it all. When we feel like our worst self, and trust me that happens plenty, we can still want to one day hear well done and be justified in doing so.

I know going forward that promise is something I will need to hold tightly to. I'm scared to death because I can see the potential of what is happening here. The surface is just being scratched. I know that the further down this road we go the more layers I will need to expose.

I want to open up and share. I also have my reservations. It is all the right thing. I hope that this site, this community becomes a place that you can find yourself as well. Or that it is a place where you can influence others, maybe start with me.

When we are weak it is okay for us to provide strength for each other. I think Jesus is okay with that. If you have had any struggle this week, similar or completely different, whatever. Just know that Jesus is in all of those aching joints and stress headaches. Find relief in knowing that the Father, the creator of everything, is just waiting to tell you well done.

When Taelor isn't honing his craft, he is spending time with his loving wife of 6 years and their son Levi. While rap is at the forefront of his life, Taelor still has time in his life for other interests such as, fashion, live jazz, Broadway musicals and theater performances, soul music, college football, NFL, and NBA basketball. Currently Taelor serves as one of the pastors at Veritas Community Church, ministering to a diverse community in Columbus Ohio.