Tiny Windows

Wow, it has been awhile.

Between a new job, a Senior Thesis and the holidays - time has flown by. How are you all doing? Hopefully, now that the last major class is out of the way I will be around more often. At least that is the plan.

The good news is that even in the middle of all the craziness I have not missed a day of devotional reading in over three months now. How have things been going for those in the community? In what ways have you been interacting with God?

I think that through all of this there has been one important truth that I have been shown. It is important to have that fellowship every day, even if it is only 5-10 minutes reading a devotion on your phone. You may not notice it at the time, but when things slow down you realize the impact it has.

God understands how busy our lives can be at times.

Good thing He says that He looks at our hearts/intentions. Routine is good, I try to read my devotional in the morning. It doesn't always work out that way though. I think that is by design though.

We went through a bit of a stressful time at work. There were times where it seemed like I might crack. It was in those times I would notice I hadn't read my devotional for the day. I would take a break and engage in the message God had for me that day.

More often than not it was right on with what was currently happening.

If you think about it I bet you have experienced that as well.

As the song says, He is a good - good father.

Don't be afraid, or ashamed, of the tiny windows. Small or large, they all show what is on the inside. Hopefully, it is desire.

Has the year been stressful? I'm not going to tell you that the upcoming new year can magically be stress-free. What I am saying is there are things you can do to make stressful parts of life manageable. Look for your tiny windows.

#LvL Up

Me-Centered Lives

Today over 20 people were killed in a church shooting in Texas. The terrifying truth is that it is something that could have happened in any church across America.

The question that people are asking is "Why?"

At first this writing was meant to go one way, and I think it will still basically be the same, but I felt a leading that events such as these can be discussed within this realm as well. So here we are. (And we will see how this plays out)

There has been a controversial topic among the church in regards to the focus of worship. It is a divide that no one seems to have a real answer for. You see modern worship has been branded into two different categories. One is the "God-centered" worship that no one is sure to argue against. After all our purpose is to praise and bring glory to him. The second is the more debated "Me-centered" worship that includes an apparent focus on "me" or the collective "we". (Here is a good article that explains this in greater detail) Are we attempting to reclaim some of that glory that rightfully belongs to Christ?

After all what have we done that would be worthy of being mentioned among our Savior? That was what I was hoping to speak on while thinking about what this new post would contain. However, allow me to speak in regards to the events of today. What would cause a 26 year old to walk into a small Baptist church and open fire on the congregation? Why does it seem that everyday it becomes easier for people to claim the lives of others?

I think the simplest answer is that more and more we have come to be a people that has our focus on "ME". After all God is love. If our focus remained on Him then our fruits would display that love. There is very little being reported about this shooter yet, but there must have been a reason he chose that church or a church in general. I feel sadness for that community of believers and for the young man who committed this crazy act, who is now no longer living as well.

I know that there is a noticeable difference in my life when I am wrapped up in what "I" have going on, compared to seeking what God has in store for me. It is much easier to keep what I would want at the forefront of my thoughts, than it is to be joyous if I feel God is leading in another direction. It is part of being human I guess, after all the Bible is full of people who had to deal with this struggle.

I apologize if this comes off as negative against many of the songs that the church loves, especially in modern worship. I play bass from time to time in church and I enjoy playing these songs so don't get me wrong. All I hope to do is to cause people to think and spark a conversation. That we would all continually seek guidance as to what is pleasing and proper in the eyes of God.

Perhaps it is an issue of comfort. If our songs and our preaching solely focused on God and His righteousness too many people would feel alienated. After all we cannot live up to that standard. Take this line that always sticks out to me, "And where You are, Lord I am free. Holiness, is Christ in me." Think about that for just a second. Let me share my thought and if I am wrong please let me know.

Simply put it is this, holiness is Christ alone. Period. I have nothing to do with holiness. But man does it make a person feel good to sing that line though. It portrays a belief that we indeed have a role in His glory. We do, but that is not it. Our role is to praise and live in awe of that holiness. Instead here we are placing ourselves in the middle of it.

That is what has gone on with non-believers as well, to a much greater scale. America has fooled people into believing it is all about them. We are seeing the results of that dangerous thinking. We can condemn such acts as believers, that is easy. The more difficult thing is to make sure that we are setting the example for an unbelieving world. If we are seen as being a group of people just as concerned about "me" and stroking our ego are we fulfilling that with which we are charged with doing? (You know sharing the good news of Christ) We are not perfect, but we know the one who is. Let's make sure that we are striving to point others to Him for answers and guidance. If that happens perhaps these types of instances will be limited, instead of growing.

Ask ourselves honestly, are we living and praising in a way that is God-centered, or Me-centered?

#LvLUp

How to Let Go?

The past couple of days I have been noticing there are things that are just sticking to me. Things that I would love to be able to look past, to let go. Maybe it has something to do with my three year old's obsession with Frozen (although he seems to have transitioned to Cars, I'll take it).

Things like differing opinions, lack of two-way relational communication and simple, plain incompetence have all been super annoying. I told my friend that I need to figure out how to just ignore these things from the start since I am clearly in a season of life where I am vulnerable to them.

It probably has a lot to do with my brain being fried at this point. The new job is fine, but there is some tension in the company that is taxing. I am working on my senior thesis and I am getting frustrated because I have everything I need for it, but by the time I sit down to write putting words together to form sentences is a chore. And I have a second course starting for the last half of the semester. Sleep is a struggle. I am trying to make sure I am available to help out with music at church and while I love doing it, right now it seems like a poor decision.

So what do I do to work on letting things go?

In Psalms 121 it says that "My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He who keeps you will not slumber. The Lord is your keeper, he will keep your life. From this time forth and forevermore."

We cannot do everything. We cannot be responsible for it all. If we try we will spread ourselves thin and become weak. Our Lord sees our efforts and understands our shortcomings. That is why He is willing to go to great lengths to keep us, to be our help.

the Taelor Gray Series: Weak Moments

                                                       "That's a brave face with a weak motive
Man, I wish you saw all my 
                                    weak moments
          I told myself that these just weak emotions
Most the time I just Tweet emojis."
                                                                       - Comfortable

What do our weak moments say about us? How many of us want to reach out to others during those moments, but never do? Is it because society says that something is wrong with us if we admit vulnerability? Is God ashamed of us in those times?

The answer to that last question is 'No'. Why would God be ashamed...why should we be ashamed? Hiding behind that shame is saying that by being human we have done something wrong. Remember God makes no mistakes. If that is true then there is no way that we are faulty in the human condition. 

Do not take that as me saying that we are able to anything we desire without consequence. What it means is that He understands that we are going to have our issues. It is why He looks at the heart. He knows that times of weakness does not mean we are not striving for better things. 

He says to come to Him and let Him be our strength. The strength in our weakness. 

If the Creator wants us to draw close to Him all the time, especially when we are in a spot where we feel like we can't move, then why shouldn't we be able to share those times with our brothers and sisters as well? Why should we be able to consider ourselves any better than anyone else?

We can't be seen as imperfect, is that it? As Gray says it's a "brave face with a weak motive."

We pretend and pull the wool up because we can't allow the truth to breathe. We do it not only for ourselves, but for others as well. Remember in one of my earlier writings when I said that this community has made me scared because I knew that there would come a time when I would have to be transparent? I fear that the time has quickly found me.

"I told myself that these just weak emotions."

There is nothing about human emotions that are weak. Some of them may not always make sense to us, but they each fulfill a purpose. If we are a community that is meant to build each other and help each other grow in this difficult life then we must be able to step out from behind our brave faces and share with others these weak moments.

I struggle getting angry. I struggle with the fact that I continue to struggle with that anger. (This is me attempting to discard weak motives) It is frustrating feeling like no matter how I try to approach it, this weakness will find a way to get the best of me. It is frustrating feeling like no one is going to understand...

...It is frustrating knowing that the One who matters most fully understands.

My children may not get it no matter how much I want them too. My wife may not want to deal with it. My family may think it best to just ignore it. My friends may only get glimpses. I see it clearly.

I try to work on my weakness. Sometimes though maybe "I just Tweet emojis." I do not have the answer.

The best I can do is be honest and hope. Hope that by sharing the part of me that I am most ashamed of someone will understand. Someone will see that it is not who I want to be. Maybe someone will feel safe to open up to me as well. 

"Man, I wish you saw all my weak moments." - I guess the first step is sharing them...

#LvLUp

When Taelor isn't honing his craft, he is spending time with his loving wife of 6 years and their son Levi. While rap is at the forefront of his life, Taelor still has time in his life for other interests such as, fashion, live jazz, Broadway musicals and theater performances, soul music, college football, NFL, and NBA basketball. Currently Taelor serves as one of the pastors at Veritas Community Church, ministering to a diverse community in Columbus Ohio.

Standing Still

So here is the question.

(I'm going to warn you in advance that I do not have an answer so I am hoping that someone out there in the community will weigh in.)

What do you do when life begins to sort of level out? It's not high and it's not low. You are just sort of coasting. Is this a good or a bad thing? Is there something that you are missing?

For about three months things were moving at a fast pace. Now it is settling in and may be on the verge of, dare I say, routine. Have you experienced this? When this journey started it was about tackling the things in life that we all encounter. Perhaps the mundane is the biggest facet of life that we either ignore, or get incredibly frustrated with.

Jesus talks about the lukewarm believer, but what about the lukewarm existence?

Maybe these times are ideal for recharging and preparing for the next phase that is sure to be on the horizon. We have no problem acknowledging when we become physically/emotionally/spiritually fried, but do we give the same acknowledgment to the time we get to simply be?

A lot of it I think comes from the idea that we always need to be headed in some direction. Typically either up or out. Stagnation is a very dirty word in America. I get it. Except that the human race continually has a declining lifespan that one could argue is directly tied to increasing expectations.

STAND STILL!

How many times does God's word tell us that we need to rest in Him? That He alone is sufficient? Yet we pick and choose. It makes for good lyrics in a worship song, but real life application...?

Then again maybe I am totally off-base. Like I said I have no real answer, or opinion for that matter. I know how much I have grown in my thinking and attempts to apply learned principles over the past year and a half, but what do you do when it all plateaus?

Do you look for a trail on which to escape, or...do you stop and take in the scenery? The answer seems like it should be simple, but - as with the bulk of life - it appears much more complex than on its surface. We get older, we gain experience, maybe our circles become tighter and we start to question.We were made with purpose, with reason and just knowing that doesn't mean that we are going to understand.

It may go against everything we feel we have learned, but simply riding out the wave has to have a place in this world. Right?

The goal is to #LvLUp on a daily basis, difficult to do on a loading screen.

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Please comment and let me know what your thoughts are on this. Dialogue can illuminate things that hiding.