the Taelor Gray Series: Jesus in These Weak Limbs

                "I just want to hear well done...
                                                                      ...I just want to hear well done.
But it's Jesus that He's pleased in...
                                                          ...and it's Jesus in
                these weak limbs."
                                                                                                      - Solomon's Porch

I don't know about you. Hopefully you are feeling better than I am. As I listened to these words by Taelor Gray, a CHH artist out of Ohio, I was hit with just how weak I feel. This month has been a crazy roller coaster.

The month started with my younger brother showing up at the hospital with chest pains. After being sent home with pain killers, followed by a trip to a different hospital, he eventually had around 15 hours of open heart surgery. An abnormal heart valve plus a massive aortic dissection can lead to those types of things.

So there has been unplanned for 40 minute drives to and from a hospital that strained the budget. This is not a complaint or anything. Obviously I want to be there for my brother as much as I can. When your family is on a tight budget however, moving funds around can be tricky when it's unexpected.

I was also given the opportunity to become the co-editor of a website this month. I had been contributing for the site prior to this. It is a great opportunity as I am discovering the passion I have for writing. The only downside is that it is nearly a second full-time job. I'm thankful for the chance to make some extra money that our family can use, but that is not all.

Like I hinted at writing is not my occupation. I have a full time job as a retail store manager. I am also finishing my bachelor's degree this coming May. In order to do so I have a class this summer. So naturally I have a 10 page minimum paper due this week.

Then we come here. As those of you who have started this journey with us know, we launched this site and its social media accounts a week ago. It has been amazing. This is the next step of what started about a year ago as a simple devotional reading with a group of friends. Now in a week we have connected with people in seven different countries.

My limbs and most of the rest of me feel weak.

I have been conflicted the last day or two. I am so very excited to see all of these things coming together.  I know it is special and the road I need to travel. Yet I have found myself feeling a little on the depressed side. I am glad to have a clear view of my passion. I just feel stretched thin.

It's as if I am sleepwalking a lot now. You know how they say "burning the candle at both ends"? Well it's more like burning both ends and whatever other part of the candle will hold a flame. I'm drained, I'm excited, and it all is heavy.

Jesus said that when our burden is heavy His yoke is light. That He is okay to take which weighs us down and put it on Himself. He will be our strength in these weak limbs.

Mr. Gray hits on another important thing in this lyric. We take on and go after all these different things. We look for purpose. We want to hear well down. To the Father though none of this matters. I'm not saying He is not proud of it, but that He was proud regardless. You see...

...it's Jesus that He's pleased in.

No matter what we do. No matter how much others say good things about us. None of it changes a thing. When we let Jesus be our strength it is Him and His sacrifice that the Father sees. He is looking at His perfect Son and finds pleasure even in the shell of a broken people.

Just think about that. These feelings of depression, of inadequacy that none of us can avoid. The highs that bring us to the mountaintop and fill us with euphoria. All of it is a part of life. I am trying to find peace in that. I am trying my best to understand that no matter what the circumstance Jesus will help me to keep moving forward.

Whether it is family emergencies and tests of faith, or it is blessings and realization of dreams it really is all the same. Because Jesus remains constant through it all. When we feel like our worst self, and trust me that happens plenty, we can still want to one day hear well done and be justified in doing so.

I know going forward that promise is something I will need to hold tightly to. I'm scared to death because I can see the potential of what is happening here. The surface is just being scratched. I know that the further down this road we go the more layers I will need to expose.

I want to open up and share. I also have my reservations. It is all the right thing. I hope that this site, this community becomes a place that you can find yourself as well. Or that it is a place where you can influence others, maybe start with me.

When we are weak it is okay for us to provide strength for each other. I think Jesus is okay with that. If you have had any struggle this week, similar or completely different, whatever. Just know that Jesus is in all of those aching joints and stress headaches. Find relief in knowing that the Father, the creator of everything, is just waiting to tell you well done.

When Taelor isn't honing his craft, he is spending time with his loving wife of 6 years and their son Levi. While rap is at the forefront of his life, Taelor still has time in his life for other interests such as, fashion, live jazz, Broadway musicals and theater performances, soul music, college football, NFL, and NBA basketball. Currently Taelor serves as one of the pastors at Veritas Community Church, ministering to a diverse community in Columbus Ohio.

Feed My Sheep

  The concept of being neighborly appears to have been nearly erased from the American consciousness. It  is truly amazing.  Even among the generation that grew up when you helped others when they needed it.  I am not speaking of my generation, or not even my parents generation, but the generation of retirees living across the street in townships and communities everywhere.

No wonder we have become a people who find pride in our selfishness.  Hiding behind our doors and our anonymous calls.  Why face anything head on? To answer a question with a question, what are we called to do?

This is not an observation on the cultural moral compass, no.  This is a request that we regain our focus on what is really important...LOVE.

Have we forgot how to love?  Hollywood likes to focus on the arbitrary "love" process.  Maybe that's part of the problem.  We are allowing ourselves to be sold a false truth.  That love is an endorphin rush, a temporary phase, and once it's course has been run we should look for the next fix.

What's sad is that Christians, followers of Christ, have went right along with the farce.  We see people in need of love and what do we offer?  "I'll pray for you"; "God knows the need"; "Keep your head up".  All nice remarks, all what most would consider proper.  But if you see someone freezing in the cold and only offer "keep your head up" do you think they warm themselves with your "proper" advice?  Does that make them feel better about their situation?  Do they feel love?  What did Jesus say love would look like?

 In John 21:17 Jesus said this, "Simon son of John, do you love Me? Peter was deeply hurt that Jesus had asked him a third time. "Do you love Me?" "Lord you know all things; he replied, "You know I love you." Jesus said to him, "Feed My sheep."  --- Feed my sheep.

Not say nice things; not stroke an ego; not hope for the best and go on your way.  Feed them, love them.

Love is an action.  It is a choice you make.  You choose to put another's feelings and happiness before your's.  You do that even if it is not reciprocated.  Have we lost that?  I'm not saying don't pray, of course pray.  I will not argue about God knowing our needs, if anyone does He does.  People need to keep their heads up and move forward. However we have to get past our selfishness and sacrifice for the good of others.

Feed my sheep, maybe cut a neighbor's grass.  I don't know -- be willing to help ease a burden, not because we want to, but because Jesus was willing to do the same for us.  If we call ourselves people who follow after Him then we strive to walk in His footsteps.

Stop talking about philosophies and religious practices.  Instead take these things that give us the "holier than thou" complex and put them into action.  Be there for people, be real.  Show them a real Jesus.  A Jesus that gives them hope and strength.  Feed His sheep.

It's Okay

Dear Church,

  It is okay not to be perfect. It is okay to not always be right. In fact if we are being honest it is impossible to do. We are holy because He is holy (Hebrews 10:10). So why do we have this mindset that any screw-up is a critical flaw in our faith?  

Our God is a God of wrath (Romans 1:18) so why would I be dumb enough to want to purposely seek that wrath? I wouldn't and my guess is neither would you. Yet too many times people are looked down on for being human. 

  We all struggle in some form or fashion. The best news is that when we stumble we have a God who asks us to confess and continue trying. Unlike us He forgets our shortcomings. So why do we insist on shaming our fellow believers? 

   It blows my mind the older I get. Treat people the way you want to be treated. For those who have been hurt by the church let me say this "I'm sorry". However if you are one of the abused keep this in mind, if you are mistreated...do your best to move on. It's not easy or honestly fair, but as stated people are not perfect. 

  One of my favorite phrases especially recently is "people suck, but love them anyway because you suck and you are loved".  No one else can make your walk a successful one. No one can make it a failure either. 

   The only thing you can get from others, or do for another, is support. The church should be willing to provide that support, but if they don't then shame on them. The one thing for certain is that Jesus will never leave you even if it is hard to see Him. 

  

   You are His world...flaws and all. While He wants only the best for you, I believe He understands the times when you feel flawed. Don't let those feelings decrease your self worth. Keep believing and spend each day Representing Him Well. #LvLUp

The Worry and the Weight

I worry. I try not to. I have made progress, but anxiety is not something you just control. It will hit you at times that will make you feel stupid. You will feel like there is something terribly wrong with you.  It's a feeling in your chest that is not painful, but makes everything you do uncomfortable. 

Jesus says not to worry, that He cares for even the birds of the field and cares more so for us. Like everything in the Christian walk I do my best to listen to what He says. I try to think about lovely things, but for me to be honest it does not always work. It's a feeling like something is wrong, but you haven't been made aware of it yet. The thing that makes it worse is we are made to believe that these feelings are borderline sinful. For those in the same situation...they are not.

God knows and understands this feeling. He gets the fragile state of the human condition and why some of us bear this struggle. Others may not understand, but He does. What seems awkward and unnatural to some is far from it. It is okay! 

We don't stop trying. We face it head on. We might have a tendency to think about worst case scenarios, but we also care. We truly care for others and their struggles because we know how hard it can be at times. We know how it is to feel alone. 

The biggest thing that we try to figure out is what to do when it hits.

For me talking to my wife helps. It does not have to be about anything in particular. Just talking to her helps. If we are together and the feeling starts creeping up holding her hand helps keep it at bay. I don't want this to be her burden, but I am so thankful that she understands. I used to fear that this would make her feel like I had major issues and push her away from me, but thank God she is supportive. If I am at work or out somewhere a phone call or text conversation with her can be calming. 

What is it for you? Find that thing and don't feel ashamed about any of it!  This is you not being a victim and living a life God intends. A major problem within the church is the prosperity theory. God wants the best for you, but it is up to you to get there. He will support if you do your part. 

Because of sin though none of us get a free ride in this world. For us with anxiety it is our cross. We take it up everyday and carry it. Maybe we envy the birds who have no need for worry, but our reward will be much greater.

Don't be ashamed. I know I have said that already, but there are some things worth repeating. I am still working on this, but being open about this type of thing can be good. Both for you and for others. You never know what someone is battling and your struggle can be inspiring. It can connect you with another person and present an opportunity to impact their life. Represent Him well...flaws and all. 

Jesus has scars and they are much more than reminders of past physical pain. They are symbols of love. Make your blemishes represent something much more than insignificant flaws. Turn them into beacons of hope.  It is the ones who embrace the struggle and not let it define them that become inspirations. I want to inspire. My anxiety tells me I won't, but God tells me He has a use for me...and for you. Even us broken humans.

 Broken doesn't mean unfixable.

If you haven't heard it lately let me say it. I love you. You are cared for and have a purpose. I am sorry for the times you have been let down. You are not alone.

The Key Word: Relationship

Why do people "leave organized religion"? Why are people turned off by the word religion in the first place? At times I believe I can understand. Religion, Christian, Church - all of these over time have taken on negative connotations.

So what is the reason?

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I have the answer. I don't. However, I believe there is an aspect of that answer that seems quite obvious. There has been a shift of focus. Being a Christian has turned into a legalistic thing. Churches are concerned about rules more than people.

You see Jesus' ministry was based on one simple thing. Relationships. Those relationships are rare today. When people are leaving religion it is often because of broken relationships. The sad thing is that many equate relationships with other believers to relationship with God. I want to scream "do you see the mistake you are making!"

People are going to let you down. Even the most well meaning individual will make a mistake and hurt your feelings. These experiences can cause confusion. When someone who claims Christianity hurts another it is often God who receives the blame.

These difficult situations should cause us to seek out the truest relationship that we can have, the relationship with Christ. I fully believe that, but I also had a realization while reading a daily devotional this week: People who say that God is all you need are wrong.

Yes Jesus can and will provide everything we need, but unfortunately that is not enough. This is why the human race is a broken, messy collection of individuals. Even with God we still need each other. God himself realized this. After all Adam had the perfect relationship with his creator, but still something was missing. Seeing this God gave him Eve.

Humans need each other. Christians need other Christians. Even the ones who want to distance themselves from this fact cannot really escape it. It can be hard to make sense of it all. Rather than dig through all the countless theories and come to our own conclusion PEOPLE - JUST - QUIT.

So what can be done?

We need to to become the Body, the true Church again. Not a collection of people at this building or another, but the Bride of Christ. We need to truly care about each other. We need to seek and know the realness of Jesus.

We need to accept our ugliness and not give power to the shame that tries to attach itself to it. Love people. Engage them. The "sinners" of Jesus' time were often the most comfortable in His presence. We need unbelievers to want to be around us.

Forget making the right impression at church. Instead impact the people of the world. After all that is what we have been commissioned to do, right? We will find it doesn't take much and it comes with a sense of purpose that we just may be missing.

RELATIONSHIP not rules. CONNECTION and not theology.