"I just want to hear well done...
...I just want to hear well done.
But it's Jesus that He's pleased in...
...and it's Jesus in
these weak limbs."
- Solomon's Porch
I don't know about you. Hopefully you are feeling better than I am. As I listened to these words by Taelor Gray, a CHH artist out of Ohio, I was hit with just how weak I feel. This month has been a crazy roller coaster.
The month started with my younger brother showing up at the hospital with chest pains. After being sent home with pain killers, followed by a trip to a different hospital, he eventually had around 15 hours of open heart surgery. An abnormal heart valve plus a massive aortic dissection can lead to those types of things.
So there has been unplanned for 40 minute drives to and from a hospital that strained the budget. This is not a complaint or anything. Obviously I want to be there for my brother as much as I can. When your family is on a tight budget however, moving funds around can be tricky when it's unexpected.
I was also given the opportunity to become the co-editor of a website this month. I had been contributing for the site prior to this. It is a great opportunity as I am discovering the passion I have for writing. The only downside is that it is nearly a second full-time job. I'm thankful for the chance to make some extra money that our family can use, but that is not all.
Like I hinted at writing is not my occupation. I have a full time job as a retail store manager. I am also finishing my bachelor's degree this coming May. In order to do so I have a class this summer. So naturally I have a 10 page minimum paper due this week.
Then we come here. As those of you who have started this journey with us know, we launched this site and its social media accounts a week ago. It has been amazing. This is the next step of what started about a year ago as a simple devotional reading with a group of friends. Now in a week we have connected with people in seven different countries.
My limbs and most of the rest of me feel weak.
I have been conflicted the last day or two. I am so very excited to see all of these things coming together. I know it is special and the road I need to travel. Yet I have found myself feeling a little on the depressed side. I am glad to have a clear view of my passion. I just feel stretched thin.
It's as if I am sleepwalking a lot now. You know how they say "burning the candle at both ends"? Well it's more like burning both ends and whatever other part of the candle will hold a flame. I'm drained, I'm excited, and it all is heavy.
Jesus said that when our burden is heavy His yoke is light. That He is okay to take which weighs us down and put it on Himself. He will be our strength in these weak limbs.
Mr. Gray hits on another important thing in this lyric. We take on and go after all these different things. We look for purpose. We want to hear well down. To the Father though none of this matters. I'm not saying He is not proud of it, but that He was proud regardless. You see...
...it's Jesus that He's pleased in.
No matter what we do. No matter how much others say good things about us. None of it changes a thing. When we let Jesus be our strength it is Him and His sacrifice that the Father sees. He is looking at His perfect Son and finds pleasure even in the shell of a broken people.
Just think about that. These feelings of depression, of inadequacy that none of us can avoid. The highs that bring us to the mountaintop and fill us with euphoria. All of it is a part of life. I am trying to find peace in that. I am trying my best to understand that no matter what the circumstance Jesus will help me to keep moving forward.
Whether it is family emergencies and tests of faith, or it is blessings and realization of dreams it really is all the same. Because Jesus remains constant through it all. When we feel like our worst self, and trust me that happens plenty, we can still want to one day hear well done and be justified in doing so.
I know going forward that promise is something I will need to hold tightly to. I'm scared to death because I can see the potential of what is happening here. The surface is just being scratched. I know that the further down this road we go the more layers I will need to expose.
I want to open up and share. I also have my reservations. It is all the right thing. I hope that this site, this community becomes a place that you can find yourself as well. Or that it is a place where you can influence others, maybe start with me.
When we are weak it is okay for us to provide strength for each other. I think Jesus is okay with that. If you have had any struggle this week, similar or completely different, whatever. Just know that Jesus is in all of those aching joints and stress headaches. Find relief in knowing that the Father, the creator of everything, is just waiting to tell you well done.
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